mystery lunch revealed

Okay so Thursday it likely seems that I came down with an acute but temporary case of anorexia- tiny yogurt bowl in the morning? Tiny salad at night? Lunch explains all.

Here I am outside, BEAMING FROM EAR TO EAR, because this is a place where there are no fake smiles.

Does the rocking chair give you a hint?

CRACKER BARREL! MY FRIEND HAD A FREAKING $50 GIFT CERTIFICATE TO CRACKER BARREL! So we drove down 95 til we saw that beauteous sign on the side of the highway, and pulled off, and got to heaven. on. Earth.

We worked out first. That was a REALLY GOOD IDEA. Then, while I (ravenously!) waited to order, I played Cracker Barrel’s signature obnoxious nail game.

Then the food arrived! We decided to maximize our side dishes, thus enabling us to try all of the C.B. specialties. To that end, Lauren got:

Let’s break it down, because that picture doesn’t totally convey the vastness of her meal.

Scrambled eggs with cheese, hashbrown casserole (!), a whole pile o’ meat (bacon, sausage AND ham) and a seriously tragic looking orange slice!

Carbs: biscuit and gravy and grits (!)

Their signature fried apples mm

I got the “vegetable plate” (oh my God it sounds so ludicrously healthy!) where you can get your choice of four “side dishes” (ha!) and a biscuit, apparently.

I went with the turnip greens, mac n cheese, fried okra, and pinto beans. It came with a biscuit and a corn muffin.

Here’s what I ended up eating, upon combining with Lauren, and giving her some of mine:

All of the greens, like 2 bites of the mac and cheese (could’ve been tv dinner, honestly), about half the okra, all of my hashbrown casserole sample, all of the pinto beans, all of the fried apples plus a bit more, only a bite of the cornbread muffin (that I actually spit out because I just don’t like them for some mystifying reason), all of the biscuit with some blackberry preserves and…

Grits! Forgot those in round one. Man oh man was it good.

But, we were, believe it or not, saving room, because we had seen this:

I ordered the strawberry shortcake (not pictured on the menu)

It was pretty good. Quite difficult to navigate: this picture doesn’t really show how along with the cake and strawberry topping and whipped cream there were TWO SCOOPS OF VANILLA ICE CREAM. I took them off and put them on a side plate (I can have that any time, and a strawberry shortcake didn’t need it) and I ate all the strawberries, the so-so cake that had strawberry mush on it (mmm) and a bit of the whipped cream.

But Lauren’s dessert…

Oh. my. God.

She got the baked apple dumplin’, described above, with LUSCIOUS SWEET BAKED APPLES and RICH BUTTERY CRUNCHY PERFECT PECAN STREUSEL and VANILLA ICE CREAM and HOT RICH LUSCIOUS CARAMEL SAUCE.

Seriously, there is no phrase but OH MY GOD to describe this. She made a valiant effort to eat about half, and then I went CRAAAAAAAAZY. I could. not. stop. It was the freaking best thing I have ever tasted.

And this picture really doesn’t at all convey the size. Suffice it to say when she passed it across the table to me, our muscles strained.

So yeah. Big eating day. Food baby in my belly. So amazing.

My favorite picture:

Hahahahahahah Lauren took this. So everyone, to reassure you, despite all that, we ensured that we would be adequately hydrated, and had some water.

And the best part? All of that food. $25. We can use the other half of her gift certificate and eat it again. AAAAAAAAGH! She’s going abroad next semester, so I said “maybe when you get back from Ireland I will have finished digesting”.