fitness time

As attributed, this is a workout from Carrots ‘n Cake. It was posted with what I assume was the drastically understated, possibly even sarcastic comment, “I forgot to time myself, but this workout took me awhile to finish (maybe 20 minutes?) and it left me a tired, sweaty mess. I took multiple breaks during it to catch my breath and let my muscles recover.“ Yeah yeah okay Tina. 20 minutes. “Awhile”. You were “tired” and “sweaty”.

Facts about this workout:

- I just did it and I feel like I’m going to die. Like, in addition to the intensive physical depletion, my mind has just stopped caring. Any envisioning of a future has simply disappeared. I’m too tired to shower, plus I’m afraid I’ll fall down and be too tired to get up and drown.
- My freakishly fit boyfriend also felt like he was going to die. Fortunately, his recovery seems to be complete (approximately 10 minutes after the end of the workout), and his protective instincts have returned. He keeps offering me apples and seems gravely concerned about my well-being despite not having even read the previous comment yet.
- Prior to today, my Burpee record was approximately 26. What is with people being good at Burpees? They are horrible, horrible, awful things. Today I did the full 70… 70 with the understanding that these weren’t Crossfit burpees with the squat and pushup shebang, these were hands down, jump back, jump forward, stand up burpees. They nonetheless took me approximately 17 hours. I stopped (this is true) for two separate water breaks, and noticed the second time I lifted the glass that my hands could not stop shaking.
- The only thing that enables me to get through the 60-second plank is to play “Dangerously in Love”, by Beyonce. I don’t know why it works. I am passing it on in the hopes of helping others accomplish more than they’d ever dreamt they could with the aid of this heartfelt song.
- Prior to today, my Mountain Climber record was approximately 8. Today I did them all, dividing them into roughly 17 sets. In what way do Mountain Climbers resemble climbing a mountain? Mountain climbers resemble climbing a mountain the way a tractor pull resembles pulling a guinea pig in a novelty miniature wagon.
- I did the girly pushups. Lowered myself perhaps (and this is a generous estimate) 1.5 inches. It took me approximately 11 hours. And (I swear) I summoned every morsel of my inner motivational speaker to keep going, intoning, audibly “Steve already did it. You have to do do it too. Also, don’t you want arms like Michelle Obama?”
- We didn’t know what Hollow Rocks are and found a Youtube video demonstrating them. The hell I’m doing that. Toe touch pushups were enough (“Candles”, Steve called ‘em).
- Also Youtube’d Hand Release Pushups. My attempt at doing them was a perfect muscular equivalent of a newborn infant trying to lift their head. I did another plank instead.

In summary, this is a good workout for someone who wants to exercise in their home with no additional equipment. I recommend doing it on what you’re fairly sure is the last day of your life.

sunday strength

My Sunday was absurdly productive. I went to church, made brunch, activated my new phone, did two loads of laundry, got a new power cord, picked out a birthday present for my sister, wrote three blog posts, went through my RSS feed from idealist.org for any job that has “nutrition” in the title, applied for an awesome-sounding job I probably won’t get, did strength training (more on that in a mo) and cooked dinner.

And most importantly, in the middle of the afternoon I cooked like it was my JOB. It all started when I made my sister overnight oats for breakfast. That day, she sent me this:

(yes, my sister is a hobbit, obviously. But prettier).

Her miraculous fullness as a result of having eaten a proper breakfast made her motivated to experience it again (understandably). Her solution to this was to demand that I cook breakfast for the entire family every day.

The thing helping her cause was that we have a ton of bananas. And Tupperwares.

Sooooooooo I said what the heck and made a whole bunch of overnight oats. For my family. Whom I love.

It began with fruit (understandably, mostly bananas. You want about 1/2 a cup of fruit. That’s half a banana or 1/4 of an apple, chopped up. For some reason, the apple expands or something).

Then 1/2 a cup of oats. I read bloggers going all, “I ate my 1/4 cup of oats this morning and I was SO STUFFED” and I go “You are SO LYING”. Eat 1/2 a cup of oats, please. Think of all that lovely soluble fiber.

Then milk. Dairy milk for the sister, soy milk for my mama (who’s not the best with lactose), plus some yogurt for me for tangin’.

Trick: thinning it out with water. I’ve been into wetter overnight oats lately. Makes it nice the next morning.

Tragically out of chia seeds (I was working through several packages of Ruth’s Chia Goodness I won in a giveaway but they’re finally gone, a year or so later). So I use ground flax. It’s good!

And for kicks, a variety of spices. I mixed up my family members’ bowls. My sister got the cocoa. My mom got the cardamom. It reflects on their personalities and eating styles.

And there you have it. 8 servings of overnight oats, made en masse (3 for ma and sis, 2 for self. Also had precooked hot oatmeal, should I be so inclined).

Ensured for a coupla days that my loved ones got a delicious, filling breakfast. Note: you MUST top with nuts or do not blame me for your hunger later in the day.

And for kicks, the current favorite blend for ME, all ME!

1/2 cup oats
heaping 1/2 tsp. flax seed
1/3 cup milk
2 T water
1/4 apple, finely chopped
2 T or so plain yogurt
4 drops vanilla stevia.

Again, the next morning top with WALNUTS! WALNUTS! With those (and morning lighting) they will look like this:

Amazing, amazing mixtures of flavors and textures. Leaves you absurdly full and satisfied.

Also, pretending this is a “health” blog (which is a bit laughable given some of my posts), I thought I’d pass along the strength training routine I’m super into at the moment. With the understanding that I hate strength training so the fact that I’ve done it twice is a rather extraordinary accomplishment.

All you need’s a stability ball (which is a great thing to have around and I learned in college makes great living room furniture)

15 reps of each. 3 sets. 40 to 50 minutes. Leaves you feeling STRONNNNNG.

Lying double leg raises
Pushups on stability ball
Bridges on stability ball
Crunches on stability ball
Wall squats
Slow swimming
Pendulum
Back extension
Hamstring flexion
Clamshell Crunches
Hip Flexor Exercise
Lying Hamstring Curls
30 seconds per side of the Modified Side Plank.
Skater Squats

On the subject of precooking, I’m super into mix ‘n match lunches lately. I just don’t know what I’m going to feel like putting on my salad/in my wrap on a given day.

For wraps, current faves are:

almond butter and banana (had I mentioned we had a lot of bananas?)
chicken, avocado, lettuce
hummus, avocado, lettuce (we, er, have a lot of avocado too)

Some salads:

 

Beautiful farmer’s market hardboiled egg, beautiful farmer’s market cucumber, beautiful farmer’s market lettuce.

Or the leftovers served cold version:

 

Beautiful farmer’s market steamed kale topped with salmon. Plus lemon.

Carbs are always important, and leftovers are great for this, too, when you’re making salad. Spring veggie barley risotto from an undocumented potluck made awesome leftovers, even cold:

 

(I’m quite pleased with myself that I can now make risotto by braille, basically. Just feeling out how much broth I need.)

Plus that salad and a yogurt. Count all those food groups?

Dairy is ubiquitous in my lunch and is also mix ‘n match. I buy it plain at the farmer’s market, and season as I wish. Two of my favorites are diced apple and cinnamon; and “homemade coffee yogurt” made with decaf instant coffee and liquid stevia.

 

Also what I call “blintz filling”: blend cottage cheese and yogurt, add lemon extract and stevia. Stupid delicious.